By Dave Barry
A brilliantly humorous exploration of the treacherous nation of maturity through the Pulitzer Prize-winning slapstick comedian. a few humans may possibly ask yourself what this topic has to do with Dave Barry, for the reason that Dave's struggled challenging opposed to growing to be up his whole life-but the result's one of many funniest, warmest, such a lot pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we name "adulthood". In hilarious, brand-new items, Dave tackles every thing from fatherhood, new fatherhood ("Over the following 5 years, you are going to spend approximately forty five mins, overall, hearing songs you're keen on, and approximately 127,000 hours to songs exploring themes resembling how the horn at the bus is going* [*It is going: 'Beep! Beep! Beep!']"), self-image, the conflict of the sexes, celebrityhood, expertise, parenting kinds, sure unmentionable clinical techniques ("There is admittedly no cause to be terrified of a vasectomy, other than that: THEY lower A gap on your SCROTUM."), and masses extra. it's a ebook of natural satisfaction from the fellow one newspaper claimed "could turn into crucial American stand-up comedian seeing that Mark Twain" (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)...though, frankly, we predict they have been indulging in a few grownup drinks on the time.
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Additional resources for I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood
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Com “DNA” image 2007 © Pawel Szczesny. com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Barry, Dave. I’ll mature when I’m dead : Dave Barry’s amazing tales of adulthood / Dave Barry. p. cm. eISBN : 978-1-101-18727-2 1. American wit and humor. I. Title. 54—dc22 While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication.
If feeding doesn’t work, or if your wife, needing a little personal time, has burst out of the house and is sprinting off down the street in her nightgown, screaming, it’s your turn to try to quiet the baby. Here’s what you do:1. Go to the baby’s crib and locate the baby’s head and the baby’s butt. In a standard baby, the head will be crying, and the butt will be leaking. 2. Slide one hand under the baby’s head and the other under the baby’s butt, then gently lift the baby to your shoulder. If you’re holding the baby correctly, there should now be vomit on your shoulder.
Then he tried to remember if he was wearing the underwear without the ketchup stains. When Bernice and The Dandelion met for lunch, they did not have the same goals. Bernice may have told herself that it was just lunch, but on some level, she was evaluating The Dandelion’s suitability as a lifetime partner featuring reliability, loyalty, kindness, etc. Whereas The Dandelion, not to put too fine a point on it, was evaluating her gazombas, and probably the gazombas of every other woman in the restaurant.
